Alcoholics Conspicuous
I went to register for my new local Doctors this morning. As I’m still mid-move, most of my clothes are in plastic bags waiting to be sorted, so I just threw on the first t-shirt I could find and left the house.
So I arrived, and was promptly told that the form I’d filled in wasn’t right, so had to do their special one instead. I rushed through it quickly, aiming to still be at work on time, and then came to the section on alcohol.
I don’t drink very much these days,not through any thing as sensible as concern for my own well-being, but just because the opportunities don’t come up as often as they used to. So I ticked some fairly modest amounts and then took my completed form to the reception.
It’s at this point I realised what T-Shirt I’d thrown on that morning. A T-Shirt that suits me really well, but that I bought for £1 four years ago, and only wear underneath other outfits.
A promotional T-Shirt with a small and restrained, but easily readable Strongbow logo in place.
So there I was handing in a form that makes the usual claims that I barely drink, all the while sporting an outfit that not only proclaims me a drinker, but one who is enthusiastic about pretty bland cider brands.
Frankly, I may as well have shown up wearing one of those hats with the two cans of Special Brew strapped to the side with straws hanging down.
You could almost see the thinking on the receptionist’s face: “Wow. This person not only is a compulsive liar, but he shows no shame that Strongbow see him as the perfect walking advert for their product.”
I imagine my medical records are now kept in a special folder in a room with Alcoholics Anonymous on speed dial.
